The Everyday Failings

There is nothing more frustrating than believing yourself to be in control till you are smacked down into nothingness.

One time I was organizing a fundraiser and making food and feeling so very mature, thinking I had everything going perfectly. But as I was driving to pick up a crockpot for the food, my car ran out of gas. I like saying it that way because it makes it sound as though I were the victim of my car's inability to retain gas. But in reality- my car finally stalled on the side of the road because I had been driving around for four days having it be below "E"...yeah I know. Fail.

Another time I had just gotten back from a road trip I had coordinated and had driven my parents car with my friends in the back. Having made it safely home with few mishaps, I believed myself to finally have come to the point of adulthood. Ah now I had made it!

Or so I hoped...

That night I couldn't find the keys to my car and I was too tired to look, but the next morning I woke up late and had no time to look for them. For TWO DAYS I had to drive my parents van to school and work because I had lost my key. "What about a spare key?" you might ask. Well, thats the thing, it WAS my spare key. I had lost my real one only a few short months ago and though my Dad nagged me to get it copied, I never made time for it. For a full day I was worried that I would have to pay an exorbitant amount for an agency to come and make a key from the key hole. I got home and the whole family helped me search for it, even my dad tried to break into my car.

Behold it had been in the van I had been driving for the past week...right below the radio. Went a few days later and paid $2.11 for a spare key. Thank the Lord.

These things caused me to become so frustrated with myself, how could I be so foolish?! I had been trying to keep my life in perfect order. Wake up early, have devotions, exercise - then head off to school or work. Read the exact number of chapters in my Bible every morning and listen to Alistair Begg as I got ready for school. Without realizing it, I had become confident in my ability to lead a "perfect" life.

But as those days became harder to keep I would fall down farther. If I couldn't have a perfect day then I would condemn myself or give up entirely. The world became a rough, discouraging place and everyday was a defeat in itself.

What was this? This obsession with perfection? I had never considered myself a perfectionist before yet here I was fighting with my imperfect ways. I couldn't see that the root of it was simply pride and unthankfulness.

 All I know is that everyday is a gift from God. Every breath I take and action I make is a privilege. The belief that I should do better because I believe I am better is a frightening lie.

When we fill ourselves with pride at our own accomplishments, the enemy uses that to bring us low. Because we won't be able to have a perfect day everyday, it is impossible!

So my solution? I'm not sure I could say there is a definite solution, it is a constant sacrificing of our own will to His. But what I have found that helps me to do that and keep it in perspective, is a simple daily prayer. So every morning (at least I try every morning...) I get on my knees and give the day to the Lord. All my goals and hopes for the day are nothing if they are not in His will. I recognize that I am nothing and He is everything. He can give me the motivation to work hard throughout the day and to be thankful for what gets done.

I can then find peace in the gift of my ordinary every days and be more appreciative for the rare extraordinary ones.